The Talegate Podcast

S1E9 - Christmas Special with La Befana, the Italian Christmas Witch

December 22, 2020 Harrison the Florida Man & Aaron the Cheesehead Season 1 Episode 14
The Talegate Podcast
S1E9 - Christmas Special with La Befana, the Italian Christmas Witch
Show Notes Transcript

Have you been Naughty or Nice? La Befana the Christmas Witch joins Cheesehead and Florida Man in their very first Christmas Special! Hand-gesturing all the way from Italy on her magical broom, La Befana shares the gift of history, rooted in the ancient world, as well as her role with the Three Kings!

La Befana, the Christmas Witch, dips her toes in legends predating Christ himself. The Ancient Greeks, Romans, and various Alpine communities all had myths and stories similar to hers, so it is not a wonder she is so revered and respected in Italy to this day. Befana Day is on Epiphany Eve, January 6th, where children wake up to goodies such as chocolates, fruits, and candies if they have behaved but coal, soap, or garlic if they were were mischievous. Despite being used as propaganda by the Italian Fascist party and having the holiday suspended in the 1970's, Befana Day is alive and well all over Italy and other Alpine regions.

La Befana is voiced by native Italian tour guide, historian, and language teacher, Antonietta Fabiano. You can find her by following the links below:

italianclasseswithme.wordpress.com & on Instagram @italian_classes_with_me

Check out more on these topics by listening to The Talegate Podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or any other fine podcast directories; and please rate, review, and subscribe. OR simply follow the link our user-friendly website at www.thetalegatepodcast.com! Also, be sure to follow us on Instagram @thetalegatepodcast and write us with your own stories at TheTalegatePodcast@gmail.com.


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THE TALEGATE PODCAST

Christmas Special with La Befana

Part 1: Introductions


FLORIDA MAN: Howdy folks, and welcome to The Talegate!


CHEESEHEAD: For those of you just joining us, we’re on a roadtrip across America to uncover the mysteries behind tall tales, fairy tales, folktales, fishtales, & urban legends, one interview at a time.


FM: We inherited a truck from our late Granny May and discovered that the crystal hanging off the rearview mirror was more than decorative. It’s a Dowsing Pendulum leading us to the good folks behind the tales we all grew up with. With that, I’m Harrison, the Florida Man. 


CH: And I’m Aaron the Cheesehead. And today we come to you from the Publix parking lot in the panhandle of Florida, where the more northern you go, the more southern it gets. 


FM: That’s actually very true. 


CH: You weren’t kidding about Publix’s deli [munch munch]. This is some grad-A shit.


FM: Well don’t get too attached to Publix delicious subs, sweet tea, and organized shopping aisles. Cause you’ll just be that much more let down when you have to use other grocery stores. Especially when it comes to their subs. Or hoagies...Grinders? Whatever you call ‘em. Sandwiches. We’ll just stick with that.


CH: Well I ordered the Italian sandwich, and it's on point.


BEFANA: The Italian sandwich was invented by italian baker, Giovanni Amato, as a way to feed his construction workers on a tight budget, in fact. And the sandwich you are eating looks American and not on point.


CH: Whoa! Uh, hey there miss. I uh, I don’t have any change.


FM: I might got a quarter or somethin’. Aw man, pocket’s empty. Wait, hold up! [rummage] Ain’t money, but it’ll hold you over if you're hungry!


BEFANA: What is this?


FM: 100% bonafide Florida Gator jerky, baby!


BEFANA: I am not a baby. I am una donna vecchia. An elderly woman.


CH: Hella elderly, by the looks of it.


BEFANA: You have no idea just how true this is. And I am not homeless.


CH: Really? Because you’re wearing rags, worn out shoes, and a shawl on your head. The only items you seem to own is that dirty sack full of god knows what, and a broomstick. Wait, why are their feathers stuck in the bristles there?


BEFANA: I hit a bird on the flight here. It does not matter. I accept your gator jerky, young man. And I shall exchange a gift to you for being a good boy. [rummage] Here, a 6 pack of Peroni.


FM: Wow, thank you! Posso avere una birra, per favore?


BEFANA: Certo! Ecco una birra per te.


FM: Grazie!


BEFANA: Prego.


CH: Wow, Florida Man. First Spanish, now Italian? 


FM: I honestly don’t know much Italian. But I can ask for beer in 12 languages.


CH: An invaluable skill to have. And uh… what about me, lady? Where’s my gift?


BEFANA: Oh yes. Funny. You said you were out of change.


CH: Oh yah. Fresh out of dat.


BEFANA: And yet I sense you have three quarters in your pocket. 


CH: Wait, that the heck? How’d you even know that?


BEFANA: You are a naughty boy, so I have a perfect gift for… [rummage]


CH: Awesome! ...Whoa, what even is that?


BEFANA: Coal. 


CH: What the heck am I supposed to do with a lump of coal?


BEFANA: Perhaps you can use it to grill one of your American hamburgers. It does not matter to me what you do with it. 


CH: Ah geez, I don’t want coal. Can I exchange it for something else?


BEFANA: Of course you can. 


CH: Oh. Okay, good. I’ll do that.


BEFANA: Reach into my goodie bag.


CH: Now we’re talking! [rummage] Oooh, this feels solid. Wait what? A raw potato?


BEFANA: Now you can cook the potato over the coal.


CH: Heck with that, I’m going back in! [rummage] This has gotta be something good… a bulb of garlic??


BEFANA: You can now cook a garlic potato over your lump of coal. This is generous, yes?


CH: What kind of a sick prank is this?


BEFANA: Aaaaah, you can not blame La Befana for being naughty. 


CH: Naughty? Who do you think you are creeping up on people in the parking lot with your weird sack of odd assortments and broomstick?


BEFANA: As I said, it is La Befana. 


CH: Lalala Bamba?


BEFANA: No. La Befana. It comes from the word, “Epiphany.” Originally, “Epiphàneia” in ancient Greek and was translated into “Epiphanīa” in Latin. And thus, La Befana.    


FM: That’s an epiphany got to do with anything?


BEFANA: Not an epiphany. The Epiphany. May I join you?


FM: Sure, let me move my shit over. Alright, there ya go. Hop on, have a beer with us.


[opens beer bottle]


BEFANA: Salute!


FM: Cheers. So about this Epiphany?


BEFANA: Ah yes. I would like to share with you the story of La Befana. 


CH: I would rather you share your beer instead.


BEFANA: Naughty boy, hush! Epiphany, in ancient Greek, means manifestation or appearance, and it was used especially with reference to a manifestation of a deity in the form of a vision, a dream, a miracle, or in any other form of help . 


FM: So then like Oracles and them get Epiphanies?


BEFANA: Yes, in fact. Today, of course, Epiphany commemorates the day in which news of baby Jesus appeared to the Three Wise Men. Christians today celebrate Epiphany every year on January 6th.


CH: How exactly does one celebrate that?


BEFANA: I am glad you asked. Because in Italy, where I am from, January 6th is also known as La Befana Day! 


CH: So a bunch of kids get handed potatoes, garlic, and sedimentary rocks by a looney old witch? What fun.


BEFANA: Only the naughty children. And I am not a witch.


CH: You are a crone with a bottomless sack of garbage who flies on a broom.


BEFANA: But I do not use magic spells and am, in fact, very kind.


CH: Coulda fooled me.


FM: Want some of my beer, Cheesehead?


CH: No.


BEFANA: You talk too much. You see, I am good. I reward all of the good little children with nice gifts and the bad children with ugly ones, but that is all. I do not give extravagant gifts such as Santa Claus nor do I inflict harm such as Krampus. 


FM: How does your gift-giving work? Do you just show up on Befana Day and make it rain?


BEFANA: I do not control the weather. But on Epiphany Eve, or Befana’s Night, children leave empty socks by the hearth, their doors, or besides their bed. I come in through the chimney and stock their stockings. 


CH: You sound a whole lot like Santa. You’re basically Mrs. Claus.


BEFANA: Not so. I do arrive through the chimney, but I prefer wine and bread to cookies and milk. I do give presents to good girls and boys, but simple gifts of fruit, candies, chocolates, and small toys.


CH: Lucky them.


BEFANA: The children wake up to gifts and celebrate Befana Day with a feast.


FM: Befana Day is basically Christmas Lite? 


BEFANA: Perhaps I shall give you coal as well after that statement. Christmas represents the birth of Jesus Christ. Befana Day, or the Epiphany, celebrates the visit of Wisemen to Jesus.


FM: Okay, I get the Wisemen part, but I don’t get how a witch-


BEFANA: *AHEM


FM: Sorry, crone who flies a broom but is most definitely not a witch, has anything to do with the biblical story of baby Jesus?


CH: Yah, so the biblical Magi, also known as the Wisemen, also known as the Kings, appears in the Gospel of Matthew, if my years of Sunday School taught me anything. Magi were actually astrologists and when they saw the star announcing “the birth of the King” rising in the sky, they went to Jerusalem to ask king Herod more information about that. Herod didn’t know anything and the news that a new King was born on his land made him quite upset. Then, he commissioned the Magi to seek out the baby with the excuse that he wanted to pay homage to him, but in reality he just wanted to know where his rival was located. Magi then headed to Bethlehem and when they found baby Jesus following the star, they offered him their  gifts: gold, frankincense and myrrh.



FM: What even is frankincense and myrrh?


CH: Frankincense is used for fragrance and myrrh is some sort of natural remedy.


FM: So two of ‘em roll in on Baby Jesus with medicine and gold and that third dude just gives the kid the bronze-aged equivalent of Axe Body Spray?


BEFANA: There is more to their story, in fact. 


CH: There is?

 

BEFANA: The Magi ran into an elderly woman on the way to find baby Jesus, asking for directions. She helped them and they asked her to join them on their quest.


CH: Wow, what an honor!


BEFANA: She turned them down. She had housework to do.


CH: Wow.


BEFANA: The old lady quickly came to regret this decision, so she grabbed a sack of goodies for baby Jesus and ran after them, still carrying her broom, seeking to rejoin the Wisemen and leaving candy at each and every house along the way in case one might be Jesus. And that day became known as Epiphany Eve.


CH: Aw poor lady, chasing after the wisemen with her gifts and brooms like that--wait...broom… gifts! Hey, are you the old lady from the story?


BEFANA: Forse sì forse no.


CH: Playing coy, huh?


FM: So that’s why you leave presents. I just as well reckoned you were doing it to mimic Saint Nicolas. 


BEFANA: Befana mimics nobody. 


FM: I’m still confused though how you got your broom to fly.


BEFANA: Figurati!


FM: Okay, dang.


CH: Yanno, now that I think about it, your holiday actually has similarities with an ancient Roman holiday. Emperor Aurelian declared the 25th of December an official holiday celebrating the sun god, Sol Ivictus. It's on the same day that Christians later adopted for Christmas and the festival.


BEFANA: You have been paying attention to your history lessons I see. Perhaps you are not so naughty as Befana thought.


CH: In the 12 days that followed, the trunk of a mighty oak was burned, serving as a firepit from which coal auspices were gathered. 


BEFANA: Where is it you think Befana gets her coal, hmm?


FM: You’re saying you used coal from the 3rd century? Just how old are you?


BEFANA: Sei pazzo? You never ask a woman her age.


FM: Yea, suppose I knew better than that.


CH: Anyway, during these 12 nights, while the oak trunk burned bright, Diana, Strenia, and other fertility deities flew over the fields to enrich the soil for a bountiful harvest. Hey, wait a second. Those goddesses flew around just like you do until January 6th, the Epiphany. Are you...are you a goddess?


BEFANA: Qui si scoprono gli altarini! 


FM: So you are an ancient Roman deity? Because I was gonna say you remind me a lot of Perchta (Perkt-Tah), who we’d call Bertha today. 


CH: Bertha, Befana… sounds pretty similar to me.


FM: Their names may be similar, but there’s a whole lot going on that I reckon’s more than sheer coincidence. Tales of Perchta date back to a pre-Christian alpine tradition still well known in upper Germany and down south in the Alpine regions. 


[Distant yodeling]


BEFANA: Go on.


FM: The name, Perchta or Bertha, derives from the German phrase, Berchtentag, meaning “The Bright One.” In traditional German folklore, Bertha, was guardian of beasts and wildlife who would appear to folk 12 days following the Winter Solstice which is,


CH: Christmas?


FM: You guessed it, the 25th of December just like Christmas today and Sol Invictus Festival before that. Just like Diana and the deities, Bertha took flight at nighttime to bring about fertility for fruits and vegetables much like the gifts Befana brings for both good and bad children. 


CH: Okay, a little suspicialicious. 


FM: Unlike Diana and the deities, Bertha has a humped back, hooked nose, and was old as fuck. Just like you, Befana.


BEFANA: Okay, I take my beer back now.


FM: Nooo!


CH: Join the club, buddy.


BEFANA: Roman, Alpine, Pagan, Christian... Befana is all of these things. Today, Befana is most celebrated on the 6th of January under Christian tradition, but Befana has a history shared with far more than one tradition.


FM: I’m lookin’ up more ‘bout your past, and uh, it ain’t all fruit and chocolate.


BEFANA: How do you mean?


FM: La Befana Fascista ring any bells?


CH: Wait, what do you have to do with Fascism?


BEFANA: Actually nothing. Like many times before, my legend and stories were spun to suit someone else’s narrative. In the case of La Befana Fascista, it was the narrative of Mussolini and the fascist party. 


FM: Yikes.


BEFANA: La Befana Day was officially established in 1928 to portray the government as fair and kindly. After the fall of the facsist regime, La Befana Day stopped being a national holiday, but survived as a family holiday.


CH: So La Befana Day survived WWII? Seems like nothing can stop it.


BEFANA: Not true. In 1977, the government thought there were too many holiday celebrations throughout the year and canceled La Befana Day. 


CH: Bummer. Where else are children supposed to get their annual supply of coal and garlic?


BEFANA: Worry not, young man. For, after less than a decade of national protest, La Befana Day was reinstated in 1985 and has continued as an annual tradition to this day.

  

FM: So you live in Italy, you said? What part?


BEFANA: Ah, Befana lives in Urbania, a city in the center of the peninsula. In fact, the whole city comes together and celebrates La Befana during the Christmas season.


CH: I gotta question for you, Miss La Befana.


BEFANA: Out with it, then.


CH: If you give all the good little boys and girls gifts in Italy, what are you doing here?


BEFANA: Do you not think Befana has believers here as well? 


CH: That’s fair.


FM: Actually, come to think on it, tons of kids and families visit you here in Florida every year. 


BEFANA: How is this so?


FM: Walt Disney World has the World Showcase at Epcot Center. Basically a permanent World’s Fair. Every holiday season, they have different holiday figures come out, tell their stories, and greet the childrens. One of which is La Befana.


BEFANA: Disney World?


FM: Yep yep,


BEFANA: Interesting. La Befana must be going. I have spent a good deal of time with two… questionable boys.


FM: Questionable? Nah, we’re good as fuck!


CH: -as fuck!


BEFANA: Perhaps you two are not so bad. I commend your attempt to share the truth of your journeys with others. And for this, Befana will allow you one more pull from her bag.


CH: Me first, me first!! [rummaging] The fack. Coal again?


BEFANA: Not just any coal. Remember how the trunk of a mighty oak was burned, serving as a firepit, in the Solstice tradition in ancient Rome?


CH: Yah? Oh wait, is this coal from that same tree trunk??


BEFANA: Yes, in fact.


CH: Wowzers, what a neat piece of history!


BEFANA: It is an everlasting coal. You can burn it forever.


FM: My turn, baby!


BEFANA: I am not your baby.


FM: Figure of speech, baby! [rummaging] The hell even is this? Straw?


BEFANA: It is a bristle from my broom. Make a wish on it, and it will fly back to me. But do not waste these gifts.


FM: Damn, we won’t. Grazie!


BEFANA: Prego! Now I really must be off. Hand me my broom, please.


CH: Here ya go, Miss La Befana.


BEFANA: Ciao ciao! [Flying sound]


CH: This coal is really cool and all…


FM: Yea, same with this bristle…


CH: But our beer cooler is pretty dry.


FM: It is, ain’t it? How much we got left?


CH: Ah, I dunno. One, two maybe? I’ll check. [Opens cooler] Holy Cannoli! Florida Man, the beer cooler… it’s, it’s


FM: It’s FULL! Thank you, La Befana! And hey, Merry Christmas, man.


CH: And a very merry Christmas to you, buddy. 


FM: Well folks, that ‘bout wraps it up. Got any Christmas miracles or supernatural stories of your own? shoot us an email at thetalegatepodcast@gmail.com and follow us on Instagram @TheTalegatePodcast for photos, cast info, updates and more!


CH: Be sure to tune in again in two weeks for our next episode. And, if you like what you hear, don’t forget to rate and subscribe. It would really help us out.


FM: Happy Holidays. And see ya later, Talegaters!